Bullshit I remember and hurts

A while ago in one of my bad days I was talking to someone that was at that time probably one of the most important persons in my life. I remember I was feeling like shit and I had been emotionally unstable for at least a week. So, out of the randomness that characterizes me, I started apologizing for nothing and stated that I remembered learning some things about life in primary school. She told me those were bullshit and I shouldn't guide myself by those. But every time I remember how those thoughts and opinions from others made me feel until I knew those were in fact false statements and harsh opinions, I can't help but think some of them might be true. Not in a literal way, but in the most emotional way. If I am feeling shitty and act some way I tend to judge myself by those false statements and that, I must say, that hurts. And it hurts bad. I continue to state those judgmental thoughts and opinions so a to remember everyone that they are NOT TRUE.

1) Crying means you are weak and a "little child". Therefor crying should be reduced to its minimum.
2) The words gay and lesbian are insults. Therefor you shouldn't be one of "those".
3) Other people's problems are more important than yours and should be always prioritized if you want to be a good friend.
4) If you study too much or like learning new stuff or like class periods more than break, you are a nerd and a bookworm, which is not good because no one likes nerds except from teachers.
5) It i completely fine to make other people or yourself feel bad if it will make people laugh.
6) If you are different than the mainstream, you have only a few friends and/or your friends are older, you will be excluded of groups and that is just normal and completely fine. But again, being excluded is bad and makes you a weirdo that no one likes.
7) Stating that someone or something bothers you is not right.
8) If you cannot deal with some people at your school, you should just change schools or change yourself, because the rest is always right.

Those are eight statements which I think should not be considered the standard way of a kids thinking and that are very harmful. Anyway I one had those a my "normal thoughts" and really believed I was the worst for being a nerd, for having a few older friends, for having different interests than the mainstream, for crying too much; I was the one who had to feel bad in order to make people laugh and like me, who had to keep to myself when someone bothered me, who shouldn't speak of their problems because other people have problems, who changed schools, because the rest, and I must say I don't believe this anymore, but the rest was always right.

Don't get me wrong, changing schools ended up being the best decision I could have ever made, but I wished my 'friends' hadn't been so happy because I left.

Un día positivo

¿Qué será lo que nos hace querer desahogarnos cuando sentimos que todo nos va mal? ¿Pasarle, acaso, la energía a otra persona? ¿Otra persona que se sienta feliz consigo misma atrapará la mala energía de a que nos liberamos y se convertirá al menos por un tiempo en la tristeza personificada?

Yo suelo retomar este blog, mi desván de pensamiento, mi basurero de ideas, solo cuando me siento desanimada y no encuentro con quien hablar de lo que me sucede, así también creo que alguien más puede empatizar con lo que escribo y por un momento siquiera sentirse comprendido. Hoy es un día particular. Si bien no es el día más feliz de mi vida, podría decir que no me siento tan mal como otras veces. El día de hoy empezó casi como todos mis días, de noche. A la madrugada estaba despierta. A las 00:40 seguía despierta y a las 5:00 am pretendía levantarme. De hecho, a las 5:30 am no lo pude dilatar más y emprendí el viaje hacia mi día. Un día como tantos otros en la universidad. Un parcial como algunos otros que ya he tenido. Sin embargo un día especial. El cumpleaños de dos personas a las que adoro. A una más que otra tal vez, pero a ninguna se lo demuestro lo suficiente. A una de ellas no le gusta su cumpleaños y la otra estaba emocionada por él. Al empezar mi día, me propuse a mi misma no arruinarlo. Fallé. El parcial no fue como esperaba. Me mande un error boludo y a la vez groso. Uh que cagada. Gasté más plata de la que pensaba en un café y unos pañuelitos que no necesitaba. Y luego me recordé a mi misma, que lo que hice mal en un examen hecho está y me servirá para recordarlo la próxima vez. Que la plata gastada ya le servirá a otro y que por lo pronto disfrute de mi café y mis pañuelos. Que todo lo malo tiene un lado positivo. Así como mis días malos me llevan a seguir este blog.

Nota a una futura yo o a cualquier lector con sueños: Planteate un objetivo, después ve cómo cumplirlo. Pero nunca, nunca, pierdas de vista tu meta.